I'm blogging again after being gone for 6 months. Well let's get right into it. The last blog I posted in Oct. 2011 was me TTC. Well we successfully got our BFP (big fat positive pregnancy test). Nov. 2nd 2011 we were so excited to be pregnant after only 2 cycles of ttc. We had our first OB apt. the Dr. gave us a due date of July 16th 2012. We were over joyed.
At 12 weeks pregnant our walls came crashing down when I started spotting on New Years Eve. I had my Dr. Paged (of course it was a holiday so everything was closed) it took a little while to get a return phone call. Finally I talked to my Dr. and he said it was up to me I could go to the ER or wait until my 12 week apt that was scheduled Jan 3rd. He asked me a bunch of other questions. After the phone call I talked to my husband and we decided there was nothing we could do, so we waited. The spotting was vey light at that point.
The day of the apt came and I was a nervous wreck. My heart was pounding so hard and fast that when then Dr. Came in to listen to the babies heart beat he mistaked mine for the baby's heart beat. But I told him "I'm concerned that, that may be my heart beat" so we went to U/S (ultrasound) and the tech went to look and there was my little angle on the screen the cutest little face, lifeless, no movement, nor heart beat. That day I left a little piece of my heart in that u/s room. Our world was broken into tiny pieces. We had lost our angel baby! I've never felt pain like that before! It was something I'll never be able to explain with words, how I felt then and feel now.
I ended up rushing into the ER very early the next morning when I fully started to miscarry, because the pain was so unbearable mentally and physically. About two hours after getting checked in, I went down to the OR and was put to sleep for a D&C. Jan. 4th 2012 around 4am. I later went home empty in every way.
The healing process has been long and hard. Slowly, each day has gotten better through prayer and faith. My family, and my Facebook/YouTube ttc, pregnancy, and mommy community have been the best support. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.