We officially started trying to conceive in March on our third cycle, after our miscarriage. It's been a bit emotional since we have been trying because I'm just so nervous. Which I know is to be expected. I just feel like when we do get pregnant that I'm just going to be walking on egg shells the whole time and that's not what I want. So I've really been working on my faith and having a positive mind set. Just really trying to be more of a optimist. Because it really is in the hands of the Lord, and that's where I believe it should be.
We are in our third cycle of trying to conceive (ttc) and at this point we are just making sure we BD (baby dance) which means having sex, for those of you that are still learning the ttc community language. We are also using OPKs, which are ovulation predictor kits. That's all we are doing so far. Right now we are at the very end of our 2ww (two week wait) if AF (aunt flow) doesn't show in the next day or two, I will be testing. It has been really hard to hold off on testing. The last two cycles I've thought about testing a couple days before AF was due and AF has come right as I'm attempting to test or a couple hours before. So I'm trying to avoid the extra let down.
I have been vlogging my whole journey from the very beginning on YouTube. So if you would like to get caught up on my previous ttc experience, my previous pregnancy, miscarriage, and this ttc journey through video as well. Check out my channel: MandieHeartsLife I would love the support <3
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
The loss of our angel baby!
I'm blogging again after being gone for 6 months. Well let's get right into it. The last blog I posted in Oct. 2011 was me TTC. Well we successfully got our BFP (big fat positive pregnancy test). Nov. 2nd 2011 we were so excited to be pregnant after only 2 cycles of ttc. We had our first OB apt. the Dr. gave us a due date of July 16th 2012. We were over joyed.
At 12 weeks pregnant our walls came crashing down when I started spotting on New Years Eve. I had my Dr. Paged (of course it was a holiday so everything was closed) it took a little while to get a return phone call. Finally I talked to my Dr. and he said it was up to me I could go to the ER or wait until my 12 week apt that was scheduled Jan 3rd. He asked me a bunch of other questions. After the phone call I talked to my husband and we decided there was nothing we could do, so we waited. The spotting was vey light at that point.
The day of the apt came and I was a nervous wreck. My heart was pounding so hard and fast that when then Dr. Came in to listen to the babies heart beat he mistaked mine for the baby's heart beat. But I told him "I'm concerned that, that may be my heart beat" so we went to U/S (ultrasound) and the tech went to look and there was my little angle on the screen the cutest little face, lifeless, no movement, nor heart beat. That day I left a little piece of my heart in that u/s room. Our world was broken into tiny pieces. We had lost our angel baby! I've never felt pain like that before! It was something I'll never be able to explain with words, how I felt then and feel now.
I ended up rushing into the ER very early the next morning when I fully started to miscarry, because the pain was so unbearable mentally and physically. About two hours after getting checked in, I went down to the OR and was put to sleep for a D&C. Jan. 4th 2012 around 4am. I later went home empty in every way.
The healing process has been long and hard. Slowly, each day has gotten better through prayer and faith. My family, and my Facebook/YouTube ttc, pregnancy, and mommy community have been the best support. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
At 12 weeks pregnant our walls came crashing down when I started spotting on New Years Eve. I had my Dr. Paged (of course it was a holiday so everything was closed) it took a little while to get a return phone call. Finally I talked to my Dr. and he said it was up to me I could go to the ER or wait until my 12 week apt that was scheduled Jan 3rd. He asked me a bunch of other questions. After the phone call I talked to my husband and we decided there was nothing we could do, so we waited. The spotting was vey light at that point.
The day of the apt came and I was a nervous wreck. My heart was pounding so hard and fast that when then Dr. Came in to listen to the babies heart beat he mistaked mine for the baby's heart beat. But I told him "I'm concerned that, that may be my heart beat" so we went to U/S (ultrasound) and the tech went to look and there was my little angle on the screen the cutest little face, lifeless, no movement, nor heart beat. That day I left a little piece of my heart in that u/s room. Our world was broken into tiny pieces. We had lost our angel baby! I've never felt pain like that before! It was something I'll never be able to explain with words, how I felt then and feel now.
I ended up rushing into the ER very early the next morning when I fully started to miscarry, because the pain was so unbearable mentally and physically. About two hours after getting checked in, I went down to the OR and was put to sleep for a D&C. Jan. 4th 2012 around 4am. I later went home empty in every way.
The healing process has been long and hard. Slowly, each day has gotten better through prayer and faith. My family, and my Facebook/YouTube ttc, pregnancy, and mommy community have been the best support. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
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